Love Is Gone
by Super Party Soul Sister
Summary: What are we supposed to do? After all that we've been through? 5 ficlets. Addison centric. Addison talks to her colleagues and friends about her pending departure. Includes Meredith, Mark, Alex, Derek and Callie. Hints of Maddison, Addex, Addek. PostS3.


5 ficlets – Addison centric. About Addison talking to her colleagues and friends about her pending departure. Quite random.

Okay, even though this will be my first posted story here, this is by far not the first thing I've written. I just never get around to actually post my stuff.

I had this written ages ago. You know, because I think they handled this all wrong on the show. Not even acknowledging anything. Just like maybe two sentences about Addison moving to Los Angeles. I also wanted to post this then but I originally had it planned out to have Addison's POV as the last little snippet. I've written tons of versions, but nothing really was ever what I had in mind. So now, I'm going to post this without Addie's thoughts.

I was listening to the song 'Love is gone' by David Guetta and got inspired. Seriously awesome club tune. Go, listen to it and party.

Another side note. English is not my native language so please excuse any mistakes I probably made.

Oh and on that note. If anyone is interested in betaing or simply can beta my stories in the future, I would be very grateful.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did…you know, I would do so many things differently, but sadly, I don't.

So without further ado...

* * *

What are we supposed to do - Meredith 

You find her in the NICU sitting in the rocking chair looking wistful, lost in space. You haven't really looked at her in quite a while (you have enough on your plate already) but now that you do, in the silence that is this room, you notice how worn out she looks. She's still as beautiful and elegant as ever but you know this past year has been tough on everyone (including McWife – Ex – you add).

You clear your throat and she immediately looks up, albeit a bit startled.

"Meredith", she says without the contempt it once held. You realize she's a much better person than you.

"I just wanted to say good-bye," You start, realizing how damn-well clichéd you just got there. You decide you can be honest with her, since you slept with her husband and all (Ex – you add). She just looks at you curiously, and you decide to not avert your eyes when you start to speak again. "Well, that and I just wanted to let you know, that I hope you aren't leaving because of Derek or me or whatever. Because if you are, then don't, because Derek and I are over…so freaking over."

And that is the point when your tears start and you are so embarrassed that this is happening, right then and there that you just want the earth to open up and swallow you whole. But you are too far gone already and just stop caring as you sink to the ground. That's when the full on sobs start. That's when you feel two strong arms envelope your body (who knew they were more akin to a safe haven) and hear soothing words being whispered into your ear.

Another thing you realize about Addison Montgomery that rainy night.

No wonder people cross the country for her.

* * *

After all that we've been through – Mark 

He wonders why he does the things he does when he's around her. He wonders, for example, why exactly he had pounded his fists on her hotel room door like a mad man at two o'clock in the morning only to be greeted with her tear-stained face. He wonders, why then the only thing on his mind was to soothe her and make her pain go away. He wonders why the only cure he knows is sex. He wonders then why he had been so stupid in the past.

He looks at her naked back and her beautiful red hair sprawled over the pillow and squints his eyes in the moonlight illuminated room. He wonders why he still thinks about the child they never had.

"I guess this is good-bye," he whispers and means it only for himself.

He is brought out of his daze by her non-answer of a kiss. Not a passion-filled one. It is the kind where he feels his heart clench with the heartbreak of it all. He wonders why this is the first time he has this kind of emotion in a kiss.

He spoons up behind her, bringing his mouth up to her ear. "I love you." She is the only woman he has ever said this to.

He feels her body go rigid and you hear a soft sniffle in the dead of the night.

After what feels like an eternity to him she answers with such a broken voice you have to wonder how she holds herself together in one piece. "Mark," she begins. He knows from experience no good things come from conversations which start with his name. "It's just too hard." His suspicions had once again been correct. He hears her breath hitch. He wonders in how many tiny little pieces a heart can break.

He figures the best he can do is hold on to her for one more night and goes to sleep with his arms protectively wrapped around her body.

When he wakes up the next morning she is gone.

He knows then why he does the things he does when he's around her.

Because - for him – she is the only woman who has ever been worth the fight.

* * *

When everything that felt so right is wrong – Alex 

Alex Karev knew he could be an arrogant ass. He prized himself with his good looks. He loved the way women were practically kissing the ground he walked on. He was proud of all the notches in his bedpost.

He knew he would never be where he was now without her. He knew this. He wouldn't be as good a doctor. A year ago he would have laughed in anyone's face suggesting that his specialty was going to be OB/GYN and neonatal. He knew all to well he owed this to her and her extraordinary skills.

He was surprised when she told him she would be leaving for California at the end of the month. He was not too self-absorbed to think this was because of him and his rejection but he could not help but wonder if he played a little part in her decision.

He found her nursing a drink at Joe's. Ordering a beer for himself, he got up and went to sit down beside her, ignoring the fact that this was deja-vu, him sitting down next to her and her kissing him and the following weeks of hot eye-sex which culminated in one of the hottest sex encounters he ever had. No, he really wasn't thinking about that at all.

"You wanted to say something?" she asked a little tipsy already. "Or are you here to torture me some more?" He noticed the profound sadness in her eyes. Maybe he had his answer now after all.

He knew she would never be so honest with her feelings in a sober moment. Because he was just like her.

"I just wanted to apologize…", he started, but was cut off by a rather harsh sounding Addison. "Contrary to popular belief I neither want nor do I need your damn apologies. So shut the hell up already. I'm tired of this." To make her point clear she slammed her glass on the counter.

Alex remained silent until he opened his mouth to try a different approach.

"Then let me thank you…" (For all that you did for me; for everything) was added silently. This was as sincere as he ever got.

As she stood up, wavering a little she captured his face with her hand, just like last time…No.

"Isn't it strange that you told me one thing and suddenly you change your mind?"

His throat clenched painfully and he didn't know what to say or think for that matter.

She clouded his vision and his brain and he was helpless.

"Have a good life, Karev," was her parting sentence as she walked away, leaving a quick, soft kiss on his lips.

He wasn't sure of anything anymore; he just had this terrible feeling in his gut that he just let go of the best thing that ever happened to him.

The dream he never knew he had.

* * *

Now that the love is gone – Derek 

Derek is in a state of shock when he goes off on the search, hunt really, for his wife. Ex-wife, he has to remind himself once again. It still doesn't come naturally to him, after all it has only been a few months really.

He finds her in an on-call room looking out the window. He wonders when she got so silent, so very quiet. She used to be so full of life, of passion. He only has himself to blame. He doesn't know, because he hasn't paid attention and he will be eternally sorry for that.

He sees how utterly exhausted she seems and again he wonders when she's become like that. He wonders when he has stopped caring. He realizes he hasn't, now that he looks at her, looking as lost as he's ever seen her. He has just pushed her to the back of his mind, the pain she has caused him too much to bear. He realizes he might have hurt her just as much with empty promises.

She doesn't hear him enter the room and close the door, so she's startled quite a bit even though he tries his best not to scare her.

"Addison", she looks up at the calling of her name, the familiarity not lost on either one of them.

"I just heard." He knows she knows what he was talking about.

"Derek", she sounds as wary as he feels. "Just don't."

He gets just a little furious at this.

"Addie, how can I not? You are leaving. You are actually leaving the state."

"You didn't care the last time I wasn't living in the same state. If I remember correctly you were the one to move to the opposite coast not giving a damn that we were still married then. Which we obviously aren't now, so what is your problem, Derek? Please just tell me, because that's exactly the thing I need right now. My ex-husband freaking out over my leaving." Addison has to stop and catch her breath. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears.

So he does what he knows is right and crosses the room in two quick strides, embracing her with his arms. A tear spills over her cheek. "Why does this have to be so hard? Why does it hurt so much?"

He hears her frail whisper. "Well, Addie, if you like it or not, we were married for eleven years, been together for 15, of course I would care about you leaving, because this might be permanent. I know we haven't really been on good terms lately, but I was hoping we could be friends eventually, because like it or not, you were my best friend for the last 15 years or more and I just…" He purposefully ignores her previous questions because he knows he has not right to answer them and he isn't god, even if he has a god-complex.

He continues, wistfully, "Addison, all I wanted was to say goodbye and to remind you to at least send me a Christmas card." He tries to lighten the mood but fails considerably.

She lets out what is supposed to be a laugh but through her tears turns out more like a wail. She sinks to the ground and he lowers his body simultaneously to catch her.

"Derek, how did we get to this?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

They stay still for awhile comfortable just to hear the breathing and feel the heartbeat of one another.

"I'm sorry about Meredith" "Me, too."

Addison gets up and straightens her skirt. "Well, I hope you don't feel just like me. I hope you're happy."

Derek feels his throat tighten as he watches her leave. He feels the sudden urge to run after her, catch her and never let her go again.

He experiences an emptiness he has never felt before spread out in his heart.

* * *

Got to find a reason (to hold on) – Callie 

"Callie, are you okay?" you hear her asking through the door of the bathroom stall. You bring your hands up to your cheeks and find the moisture accumulating there. 'Sure everything is just fan-freaking-tastic' you can't help but think, even though you don't answer her.

You can't.

You feel your throat tighten again.

"Don't make me climb over this stall. I'll do it, but I'll be really pissed because you know I'm not really that athletic with the clothes and very expensive shoes I'm wearing."

In spite of yourself you have to smile at that. You can picture the exact expression on your friend's face through the thin piece of wood that separates you – eyebrows cocked and lips curled to form a slight grin.

You get up and reach for the lock. She hesitantly opens, so unlike her usual forward self and you can see her heart break for you when you look at her. Because you don't like to be vulnerable in front of anyone, not even your best friend, you get up and go over to the sink to freshen yourself up. You know she understands. She's build the same way.

"You do know we are getting repetitive here, now don't you?" you ask her.

She smiles at you and you can't help but smile back. Friendship, for you, is what you have with her. You don't beat around the bush. You bring smiles to each other's faces even after the worst day at work…during the worst of times. Oh no…you think, as your face and ultimately your world crumbles again.

She's by your side in an instant and guides both of you to the floor. Thank god because your legs and knees were just about to turn into jelly and give out. As sobs overwhelm your body and she is just there as your guidepost in the storm you can't help but ask yourself what you will do without her. After you are done with the worst you look her in the eyes and you can see her own heartbreak and you know you love her, so you have to let her go. Because you really want her to be happy. Because she deserves it. You pride yourself with the knowledge that indeed you know Addison Forbes Montgomery better, at least at the moment, than anyone else in this hospital. You engulf her with your arms.

"Now your clothes are ruined anyways…"

You feel her chest vibrate under your head when she lets out a deep laugh. Again, you can't help but smile.

"Oh, don't worry about that."

You add another thing to your definition of friendship. When your friend doesn't care about her clothes, even though she defines herself with them, when her friend is in need.

"I'm sorry, it's just that kind of day, you know?"

You ask her, because it is. You are stressed about your career at this hospital. You just lost a patient on the table. You chose orthopedics for a reason. The chance is relatively minimal to actually lose a patient because of a bad fracture. You are stressed about the fact that your husband is lusting after that modelbodyskank Izzie Stevens or her lusting after him or both, the lines blur and the who is not relevant anyways. You are tired of the silence because you know they say it's over when there's nothing left to say to one another. You also really hope you didn't get pregnant somewhere along the line because that was just the stupidest idea you ever had. And on top of that you have just been informed that your best friend is leaving, moving states, and you are angry because it wasn't her who told you but her freaking ex-husband. It was just one of those days.

You look up and capture your friend's eyes and you know she understands. She understands better than anyone. You don't need to elaborate your feelings for her. Then you spot the cup of what you guess is hot cocoa standing on the sink. She nods.

"Yeah, I figured you could use some Juju."

And you feel your eyes well up again. What are you going to do without her?

"You are leaving."

You state in a whispering hush. And for the first time you notice her tears when you look at her.

"I'm leaving." Her voice cracks.

And both of you rush into another crushing embrace. Perhaps the fiercest one you ever had.

Definition of friendship. People who just know each other in that special way. People who watched you change. Who have let you change.

And you realize you have to let her go.

But you still wonder how you are going to live without her.

* * *

Any kind of review would seriously blow my mind. Thank you. 


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